Care is a verb.

Heritage Museum. Me and Susan Pogue ;DD





It's been awhile, and for that my most deepest and very true condolences.

I have a lot to put on here. i know loooong posts can look overwhelming, but hang in there. we can do this together. I should actually be asleep, but I can't sleep. wired mind. i want to read, but I know that if I start, i wont stop. so im not even going to start.
For one, J-term has gone rather well. I have been overwhelmed with project after project, but i have learned a lot. I have come to the conclusion that Maryville College is the most unique and original college out there, and i know this may sound bad... but i am so glad i dont go to ANY other college. I feel like this college does more than help prepare you for your future career. They mold your mind. they open your eyes. you not only gain a wisdom, but a deep and more meaningful understanding of something. Take J term for example. you can complain all you want because of the homework and assignments, but take a step back.
ah... you see?
well, for those of you who are blind, let me be your eyes.
yes the homework may get annoying, but look at what you have learned in your classes.
my friend kayla swafford is taking the water class, and she posted this on her facebook :Water is a source of life, and yet everyday 30,000 ppl die of waterborne illnesses. Turn on your tap and have plenty? Buy what about the children in Africa, or Bolivia who don't have water, or the 1 in ten children in these countries that won't make it to the age of 5 bc all they have is contaminated water? Who cares, right? Take your 15 minute shower.
these classes are opening our minds, they are making us look deeper into the picture.
my class has taught me to really think about my surroundings, and how every thing is connected. one thing has the ability to completely ruin another thing. i walked out into our woods today, and saw english ivy everywhere...im talking SAW... i have seen it before yes, but today i really saw it. the broken limbs... the dead trees...this awful thing just suffocating the life out of these trees. thats just a small example compared to all thats going on with invasive exotice species in the world today.
did you know ladybugs were invasive?
yeah. well. they are.
so are cats.

what other college do you know that has a class where your eyes are completely open to how much the world has changed, and is still drastically changing right before our tiny little pupils.
most people dont care.
its time we start caring.
its time we start doing something.

the walk started back as well.
i have actually been very depressed for the past two days.
the situation in Haiti, is just, its too much.
i dont understand why its happening, but i have to keep hold of God, and trust him. and pray. since thats all, for now, that i can do. i hate the way i am right now. i think i heard about a hundred people talk about how something bad was going on in their life, and i wanted to shake them "THERE ARE BIGGER THINGS THEN THAT GUY NOT ASKING YOU OUT"... its wrong, i shouldn't think that.
but i will say, that it upset me that kiffin seemed to be more important then these people who have lost ...everything...
i dont want to get into it. because im a very passionate person.
too passionate actually.
i feel attached to these people...all from a video that Tim and the others brought back showing them receiving the shoes that everyone gave...
i can still see the little boys face in my head... the little girl's smile.
pray.
please.

Give me a revelation.
show me what to do.

I'll follow you into the homes that are broken.
Follow you into the world.
Meet the needs for the poor and the needy GOD.
follow you into the world.

perspectives on a new adventure

"“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in where nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul.” -John Muir.

I walked into class today with the thoughts, "man im tired, and would like to go back to bed" and I left class thinking, "okay new goal in life: to see all the national parks in the world"
I have professor Bruce. and I have invasive species. and I wanted zebra mussels, but susan pogues group beat us, our group chose heads and it landed on tails.
so my group...well..the group im in... its not "my group" is doing English Ivy. oh joy of fun. actually im quite excited about the class. because im a nature buff, or as my site manager from my nursing home calls me, "her little treehugger" gotta love it. I also learned a lot just being in the first class today.
within those glorious three hours.
it wasn't as bad as it sounds. it wasn't bad at all actually.
its a shame how much people abuse the beauty of our land. I learned about the Appalachians. and how coal mines changed the relationship between people and the land. because of this ugly thing called coal people decided to start running around and tearing up as much nature as they could, and in doing so infected people's land and the wildlife that surrounds it. that is in it. that lives there. stripmining. it increased flooding. but worst of all is mountain top removal. its where they tear off the top of the mountain... and it no longer even looks like a mountain...

Hey sally, My name is peter. i know you take advantage of the candies i give you, but heres some flowers anyways... because they are really pretty and i love you, and want you to have them...even though you don't deserve them.
Hey peter, thank you for the flowers.... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
she blows the flowers up...
or ... cuts off the petals...

its the same thing.
here we are, given these gorgeous mountains... that not EVERY COUNTRY...or STATE has... and what do we want to do?... oh... here lemme tell you.
we enjoy blowing them up so we can get..this little thing called coal.
didn't you know coal is given to the mean and stingy kids for christmas?... HELLO DONT YOU READ THE SANTA BOOKS!
i realize what coal is used for... but i mean really????
... i need to stop... im going to really put myself in a bad mood...and then i'll be up all night. and i have a field trip tomorrow, and must get some sleep.

anyways,
i think im going to really like this class.
and im going to be really heartfelt through it. i am a very passionate person. a lot of people who are close to me know this... and i can get out of control sometimes...
but.
thats just who i am. take it or leave it.
i also believe i am going to really like my group. im with a bunch of smart kids, so i expect to gain a lot of deep and really thought out conversations.

I am going to blog tomorrow about a thought I had while on facebook.
yes, like i said... facebook is taking over the world.
it actually scares me..
i do fear facebook.
until then,
peace.

love is a peace.

in the middle of a war.
if we try to leave. may God send angels to guard the door.
no love is not a fight. but its something worth fighting for.

You know, every year people talk about how Christmas is thrown way out of perspective. and I agree, but this year, Christmas didn't even knock on my door...its just flew through...and now its about to leave without even saying good bye. I didn't even get a chance to complain about how the only thing people care about is presents... and receiving. and how theres not enough giving... and caring... and remembering the true meaning of christmas.
because its as though...christmas didn't happen...i dont know how this happened.
i also dont understand how during a school BREAK...i am JUST AS BUSY as i was during school.

This is going to be a short post. I just kind of had an epiphany... which i honestly have a lot of... but tonight it was how time changes things.
In highschool my senior year we had to this suicide thing.. i dont mean we had to ...kill ourselves...or anything... i mean...of course not...im still here. but our teachers were required to make us watch videos on suicide and prevention, and how to tell if your friends a suicide case, and what not. and one of the things the video hit on, was how kids think that life is just so bad that it can't be fixed... but what they dont realize is time fixes everything.
think about that.
time.
fixes.
everything.
I talked to a girl tonight. who used to completely despise me. she used to start a lot of drama, and basically made my life... crap... for a little while.
However, she asked me how i was tonight.
and she wasn't just trying to be nosy, i think she genuinely cared. and we had a civil conversation.
and it just made me think...
how time just really does change thing.
people grow up.
people mature.
things heal.
i suppose its just a reminder to remember, that yeah, things may be bad in the present time... but its going to get better.
doesn't it always?

lets make a wreckless memory. ;p
Righteous Christmas my friends.

i wanna

have the same last dream again. the one where i wake up and im alive.
im the first to know my dearest friends, that even when your hope is burnt with time...
you will be fine.


have you ever noticed how beautiful the world is?
im talking... how truly indescribably pretty our world is. our earth. our nature. our trees. our grass. our flowers. our sky. our sun. our moon.
if there is one good thing about being in east tennessee it is the mountains. and the beauty that just completely surrounds and overtakes us.
I have this boyfriend. and hes pretty much the most amazing person.
he took me to the firetower to see the sunset.
and i was speechless.
it was so beautiful. and it made me thankful to live where i am. i thought of all the people in the world who dont get to witness such a life changing experience as the sun setting over the mountains and the hills of east tennessee. the wind blowing my face to almost complete numbness, but it didn't even matter. because i felt warm in seeing the beauty God has blessed me with.
Of course as i was walking back down the tower i noticed a bunch of profanity and of course the must be drawn on EVERY WALL penis... because we are SO MATURE
really people?
i mean... REALLY!!!!!???????
the fact that there is a place for us to go anytime we want to just go out and be with nature, and some STUPID kids decide to take advantage of this opportunity and draw something like a PENIS!???... i swear, sometimes i am ashamed to be a human. so my plan is I want to repaint the firetower. of course, i realize i would have to get permission. but i want to paint it. because there are older couples that go out there to view the gorgeous landscaping, and they shouldn't have to see some of the garbage that some stupid kids have decided to "joke around" and paint it on the walls.
i am sorry, but REALLY...it just makes me sick.

you know there are so many people who dont have a place to view such a grand view as watching the sun set... or the sun rise... you would think we would be more appreciative, and respectful... but then again... who am i kidding? haha. wow.

well, anyways, besides that.
today was very much needed and amazing.
i finished both of my exams, and let me tell you i aced that bib studies... at least i felt really good about it.
i finished my french exam today, and i feel pretty good about it too.
i worked really hard this semester. and i loved it. being busy, yet changing lives, and having my own life changed.
i love maryville college.
i wouldn't dare go anywhere else.
i wouldn't have enjoyed it anywhere else.
not only because of bonner, but because of the school itself.
the wonderful professors, and the amazing people.
it was totally worth working my ... butt... off to get to go to this school.

can you say... KILL ME!

it is 2:57 am, might as well be three am.
here is what has happened to poor me.
yes, feel sorry for me people.
I was working on my comp portfolio. i set aside MY WHOLE WEDNESDAY after five, because thats when i get done with my nursing home, to work on my portfolio for comp and to work on my powerpoint for comp.
okay, so everythings good. i run to target, get the post its and the stickers. I even make a collage to go on the front of my portfolio so it'll be interesting. (poor professor has a lot of folders to look at, thought id brighten up her day, make it more interesting). ANYWAYS, so im working on my papers and my rhetorical analysis and BAM...
i can't see.
why can't i see?
am i blind?
NO
the power is officially out... its about... oh seven.
okay no big deal right?
I go downstairs. eat.
tell the fam i am going to take a nap. to wake me up when the power comes back on.
"caitlin... caitlin... caitlin... get up"
clock reads 10:45
i ask, "the power back on?"
i get the answer "no."
well darn. what do i do now... SOOO i drive to MC and I am in the library till two o clock working on everything. then whitney and I get kicked out, and so now here we sit on the second floor of davis both diligently working on our homework. mine is actually, sorta finished. i just need to print. I am finally getting to experience a college night of an all nighter.
and you know what?
i like it.
i wont tomorrow... well... today... in a few hours from now.
but right now.
life is good.

now i see why cavemen didn't go to college.

Create the World.

With a click of a camera.

I have learned in my life that I love taking pictures. not just love... but its as though i have a sense of peace within me as I press down that cool black button and hear the click of that masterpiece.
You know I hate posed pictures most of the time.
because usually you take a posed picture and it isn't even what the person is like... what i mean is... a picture shouldn't just say , "look heres Jane" it should say, "this is Jane, she loves life and laughter" you should be able to tell that just simply by looking at a picture.
I went to Canada over the summer with my french class. As I was showing my teacher my pictures I had a lady come up and start looking at them. She told me that with good training I would be really good. because i have one thing a lot of people don't have. I have "the eye" now honestly. i can't possibly tell you what that means. but because of that lady i decided instead of just being a journalist, I wanted to be a PHOTO journalist.

Heres where the story comes into place.
I'll skip the once upon time, if thats okay with you.
So my aunt asked me to take pictures of her boys, so she could make them into christmas presents. Well, unfortunately I do not own the glorious camera that I do all my real work with, It is my step-dads, but he is pretty cool with letting me use it when i need too. ANYWAYS, so i took the pictures at the Greenbelt, she didn't want posed pictures, but yet just the boys feeling relaxed, and showing their personalities.
The pictures turned out great.
I'll steal one and put it on here.
So my aunt gives a copy of the CD to my grandmother, who starts to of course show off at her work.
BADING
Caitlin has another photoshoot to partake in ;DD(happyhappy ok?)
I get really excited that someone actually likes my work, and so i set up a time, a place, and a day and i prepare my camera to go onto this adventure of photography.
I'll have you know, the little girl I encountered to take her picture, was exquisite. very very grown up for her age, and yet still with a ton of ambition and energy.
Her name is Chelsea. and her mother wanted some natural shots of her playing on the playground, so that she could remember Chelsea as the wild child she is, not some posed preppy "shnookums".
So i introduced myself to Chelsea.
ME: (bending down to get on Chelsea's level) Hi Chelsea I'm Caitlin, how old are you?
Chelsea: six
ME: okay now that we know each other, think it's cool if we be friends?
Chelsea: (gives me the most sincere look as she looks me over from head to toe) Ummm i dont know about that... i dont really know you
of course i laugh, and think to myself, man this girl is smart,
but i also was kind of intimidated. I am usually really good with kids, and so I have never encountered a kid not liking me, I didn't want her to not like me, because then it would make it harder for pictures.
I really wanted her to loosen up so that she could be ONE HUNDRED percent natural... only then can i achieve that artistic and masterpiece shot.




So i told Chelsea to just start playing and she went straight to the slide. she decided she was going to hide from me, which i found was probably the most amusing thing... and ironic. considering i was trying to take pictures of her...and she decided to hide. bright kid. very smart. and cute.
but i love games, and so i decided to play with her. she was cute and laughing and she slid down that slide fifty times before she decided she wanted to go on to something else... and even then, she didn't decide it, i just asked her if maybe she wanted to swing.
but my favorite part was asking her if she wanted to climb a tree.
her face lightened up like i had just handed her a really large chocolate chip cookie. she smiled at me and nodded.
however when her mother went to put her in the tree she started getting scared.
Chelsea is afraid of heights.
She was hugging the tree as though she was in love with it, only it was because she was holding on to her dear life.
she soon started to relax though, and she even started posing for me, it was great.
The thing I remember most about this little girl though, is when I went to run with her while she was riding her bike, and she kept looking at me oddly. she looked at me, and told me that i was very strange. and i laughed and said, yes i know. she looked at my hat, and she looked at my shirt, then she looked at my ears.
Chelsea: HEY! you are wearing two different earrings...
Me: yes, this is true
Chelsea: why?
Me: just because i want to

although she thought i was weird i could tell she really started to like me. she kept asking me to come up on the jungle gym thingy mabob, and play with her. she wanted to slide with me, she wanted to swing with me, and i could tell she didn't really want me to leave.

i was actually sad to leave her.
i think i get attached to easily
im actually told it is my downfall.

Chelsea was a beautiful little girl.
and maybe we can become friends.


my grandmother called me today,
let me know that Kristin, (Chelsea's mom) really really liked the pictures and was showing them to everyone.
but the best news of all,
she told me that Chelsea wants me to babysit her.
she got up for school and wanted her hair to "look like caitlins" she wanted to dress "just like caitlin" and she named her favorite bratz doll "caitlin"
i had made an impression on that child.
and it made me smile.

carefree.

First of all, I would like to really apologize for not taking time to post a blog. I have been so busy the last couple of weeks, it has been awful, just simply awful. I am so ready for christmas break it is ridiculous. I have three papers to write over Thanksgiving, but I figure I can get them all out of the way tomorrow. then i'll have thursday and friday for myself, and sleep. oh man, sleep sounds so nice. I have only gotten sixteen hours of sleep in the last three days. And that is a lot compared to what some of these poor souls get in four days!

I was talking to someone who stayed up all night, and I just couldn't do it. I have to at least get some sleepage or im miserable the next day, and I look like im high because my eyes are bloodshot. Sleep is my friend, not my enemy. far from my enemy.

Its funny how things can get really really hectic and then you forget to take a minute to just relax. things get so stressful that it seems to stress out everything else in your life. relationships. friendships. family. even my poor cat gets the bad end of the deal.
But its even MORE funny when you see something that just simply makes you laugh, and makes you think that life isn't as bad as you make it out to be. College isn't really as hard as you try to make it sound, and the stress doesn't have to run your entire life.
I saw something that reminded me of these things.
The other day I was driving to work. As I turned on a road there were these two pit bulls and they were just lolling around in the road. Now, my initial reaction was to think, "stupid dogs, you're going to get killed" but instead of thinking "stupid dogs" i thought, "wow what it must be like to feel that carefree" I mean, think about it. first of all they were somewhat kind of puppies, which means they weren't little, but they weren't fully grown either. They don't realize that the big things with rollie wheels, can, well, hit them. and...sadly..kill them. they are so carefree, and just wagging their tails, and they made it across the street, after playing in it for thirty seconds, and I just sat there patiently, watching them, and i chuckled to myself. Because even though I am as stressed out as I am, I do the exact same thing. There are times where I am just so much into my own little world, that I am oblivious to the danger that surrounds me. I think we all kind of do that. But I don't think it is a bad thing.. If we are constantly all the time worried, and looking over our shoulders... we live life in fear. Its good to just be carefree sometimes. its great actually. As I drove away I smiled for once and just had this sense of peace and relaxation. it was nice.
very nice.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
I shall return.

"You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair"